So this is a bit weird to be writing, because I’ve finally decided to show people what I’ve been writing for the past month. And it feels really, really weird, especially because this is the first time I’ll post something without my blog being private. In the back of my mind there was a small part of me that thought I would one day, but I didn’t expect that day to be any time soon. But I think the fact that I now feel able to show this to me friends and family shows that I’m getting better. The past few days I’ve felt completely different to how I normally feel, I’ve told people at home that I’ve been struggling and that writing has been helping, and I’ve even shown someone what I’ve written, and their support and encouragement has meant the world to me.
I suppose this post is just a little note to say ‘Hi’ really. I don’t expect many people to actually read what I’ve written (well there is quite a lot now), but if you do, I suppose there’s a few things I should say:
- To my family: I know this is going to be difficult for you to read, because I know that you’ll go and read it all and some of the things I’ve written about will make you sad. Just remember that I am getting better, and that this time I genuinely mean it.
- To my close friends who don’t know about a lot of the things that have happened over the past two years: I’m sorry I haven’t been able to tell you. It’s nothing to do with me thinking you wouldn’t care or understand, because I know you would. It’s just that it’s taken a long time for me to reach this point where I’m able to be open and honest about things. The little things you’ve always done that have made me smile without you realising it have helped me soldier on, and for that I am eternally thankful.
- To the people who I have been able to talk to about what’s happened over the past two years: Your support has been everything, and I am incredibly grateful to have you in my life. Without you, I wouldn’t be in the place I am today. Some of you I have know for years, and some of you for only a matter of months, and the fact that I’ve been able to tell people who I’ve only known for a short amount of time so much means that you’re pretty damn special.
- To everyone else: I don’t really know what else to say other than “Hi, welcome to the world of an anxious, depressed, PTSD’d sexual assault survivor who is finally, after what feels like an eternity, in recovery.”